Since this is a subject which often comes up in our offices, I thought I’d put together some of our best answers on the subject, for your reference. These are the most important considerations for your selection of a guardian for your children …
- Consider values and philosophies. Ask yourself which people on your list most closely share your values and philosophies with respect to your (a) religious beliefs; (b) moral values; (c) child-rearing philosophy; (d) educational values; and (e) social values.
- If they’re older, do they have the necessary health and stamina? If they are younger, are they mature enough?
- Don’t concern yourself too much with finances or the size of someone’s house. It’s not a good idea to eliminate anyone from consideration because *you* don’t think they have the financial wherewithal to take care of your children. You can often take care of the finances with what you leave, or by having adequate life insurance. You can even instruct your trustee to provide funds for your chosen guardian to build an addition to their home, or to move to a larger home, to accommodate your children. That’s an approach I’ve seen work.
- Focus on love. Consider whether each couple or person on your list would truly love your children if appointed their guardian. If they have children of their own, will your children be second fiddles? Or is the couple sufficiently loving that they will make your children feel loved no matter what?
- It doesn’t have to be the “perfect” choice. Most likely, no one on your list will seem perfect — they’re just not YOU, after all. But if you truly consider what matters to you most, you will probably be able to make some reasonable choices. In the end, trust your instincts. If one couple or person meets all of your criteria, but doesn’t feel right, don’t choose them. At the same time, if someone feels much more right than any of the others on your list, there’s probably a good reason for it. Make your primary choice–then select at least two backup choices.
And, it probably goes without saying that it’s essential that both you and your spouse agree.
If you cannot make a decision, or if you and your spouse cannot agree, remember that if you do not choose and something happens to you, the Court will have to choose for you.
If you and your spouse still have trouble deciding together, that’s what we’re here for.
“Keep in mind that the true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good.” – Ann Landers
